Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
