I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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