it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
