Farmville is her only friend.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
