Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
