Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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