Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
