I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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