She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize