May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
