These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i dont even know how to be here
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
