I'm eating all of the evidence.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just had sex on a roof
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
