I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
