I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i think my cat just said my name.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize