You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
