Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
