ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
