i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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