I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize