atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
