that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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