I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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