Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Randomize
