I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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