wat bout pragnant strippers??
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
where am i from again
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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