Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
