he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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