I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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