it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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