No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
