You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
