when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
