he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
