I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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