I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
