Already got asked if we're dating
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
