They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
