Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
