In the future we'll all be gay
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
