ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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