we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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