11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
