apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
