just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
