she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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