is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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