I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize