thus making me awesome and them whores
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
As shirtless as possible
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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