He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
