I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
