Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
