P.S. I can't hear my feet
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
