lets start a swedish sibling band together
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
