thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Randomize
