So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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