evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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