i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
