My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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