looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
