I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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