i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
