Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
