; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
