why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
