My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
