I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize