is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize