there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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