shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
