i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
